I was, unknowingly, on the path of destruction and I didn’t notice, until this happened…
I was sitting on my couch watching Richard Lorenzo Jr.’s video on YouTube, “She encountered a Nephilim?”, which started a conversation between my wife and I about how to discern what is true and what is false, biblically. She then showed me a TikTok clip about the spirit of Jezebel, after Richard spoke about spiritual spouses in voodoo. At first, I was convinced that someone was teaching falsely about giving a demon the name of Jezebel and Ahab. We went to 1st and 2nd Kings and read the story about Jezebel.
Then the Holy Spirit reminded me of a time that I had a dream, much like the man in the TikTok video. I was at Camp George West and I was sleeping in my room and I had a dream that an attractive older woman was trying to lure me away to have sex with her. She grabbed my hand and as she turned and walked away, I noticed cracked skin on the back of her neck – with something foul underneath. She then looked at me and her face revealed an, extremely, old and decrepit being.
At that moment I felt someone tap my back, as to wake me up – which I did. I sat up on my bed and looked around in bewilderment. No one was there and the realization of what had happened dawned on me. I knew, immediately, what I just experienced. I knew the “woman” in my dream was an old and powerful demon (a demon in charge of the porn industry e.g.). And I was made aware that an angel of light was responsible for waking me up.
The Path of Destruction
After finishing my story, I felt compelled to visit Revelations and search for the scripture about “the woman and the scarlet beast” in chapter 17. One of the seven angels holding the seven bowls spoke to the apostle John saying, “Come, I will show you the judgement of the notorious prostitute who sits on many waters. The Kings of the earth committed sexual immorality with her, and those who live on the earth became drunk on the wine of her sexual immorality.”
The angel then carried John away to a desert and he saw this woman sitting on a scarlet beast with all kinds of blasphemous names written on it and he saw the woman “dressed in purple and scarlet, adorned with gold, precious stones, and pearls…” “On her forehead a cryptic name was written: BABYLON THE GREAT THE MOTHER OF PROSTITUTES AND OF THE VILE THINGS OF THE EARTH.”
The next verse (17:6) is what perplexed me, because although I’ve read this before, I failed to notice the part about the saints being her victims. “Then I saw that the woman was drunk on the blood of the saints and on the blood of the witnesses to Jesus.” I was so confused by this I had to read my commentary which, sent chills down into my very soul. “Another aspect of the secret meaning of Babylon (the woman) and the beast is their hold on the “earth dwellers.” It is because their names were not …written in the book of life.” -HCSB Study Bible
As I read this out loud to my wife, I froze. I felt like God was speaking directly to me. And He was saying that my name was not in the book of life… And, to put it plainly, that I was going to hell. I felt cold and, completely, speechless. The feeling was, exactly, like the time I heard that my uncle had died. I did my best to hold my composure in front of my wife. She asked me if I was okay and I, quietly, said yes and that I was going to do some deep reading to myself.
I continued reading and found that Jezebel was mentioned in Revelations 2:20 in reference to how she claimed to be a prophetess and deceived her followers into engaging in sexual immorality… I then mustered what strength I had and I went to the bathroom. As soon as I walked in, I was succumbed by an intense sorrow that brought me to my knees. I began to weep and I called out to Yahweh – quietly praying behind my tears. I begged God not to forsake me and to free me from the hold the demon had on me. I begged for mercy and asked for forgiveness in the name of Jesus Christ and asked to have my name written in the book of life.
Wolf Among the Sheep
This affected me so deeply because I had not been walking right with God and I wasn’t even aware of it, until that very moment. I had convinced myself that I couldn’t lose my salvation and that my addiction to pornography would be cleansed from me, eventually, by God. The problem with this thought was that it required no action on my part. After reading this I’m still not sure if I’m going to heaven but I pray and hope that God gives me the strength to resist, which I will now, actively, give my all.
The truth is throughout the majority of my life, I have struggled with pornography/masturbation and, ultimately, sexual immorality. I can remember the first time I masturbated, which was at the age of 12 – after watching “American Beauty” with Kevin Spacey masturbating in the shower in the beginning of the movie.
I never could quite figure out what happened caused me to be hypersexual. But even after receiving Jesus Christ in prison, I still found it impossible to quit masturbating altogether. In prison it is a norm to trade provocative, sexualized, pictures of women – like playing cards. In the beginning of my sentence, I had amassed a collection, until I went to church and listened to Reverend Brown preach on lust (at CMRC). I, immediately, went back to my room and threw away all of my pictures. I did this about three time in the span of four years, battling hard to resist temptation.
I, even, fasted in prison, for a day, and discovered that my gluttonous lust for food was tied, hand in hand, with my sexual appetite. I realized that I lacked the discipline to resist. And after being out of prison for a year – although I made an effort to abstain from pornography in the beginning, in the end I fell short. This brought about the remembrance of two scriptures.
“When an unclean spirit comes out of a man, it roams through waterless places looking for rest but doesn’t find any. 44 Then it says, ‘I’ll go back to my house that I came from.’ And returning, it finds the house vacant, swept, and put in order. 45 Then off it goes and brings with it seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they enter and settle down there. As a result, that man’s last condition is worse than the first. That’s how it will also be with this evil generation.”
Matthew 12: 43-45
Moreover,
“For if, having escaped the world’s impurity through the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they are again entangled in these things and defeated, the last state is worse for them than the first. 21 For it would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness than, after knowing it, to turn back from the holy command delivered to them. 22 It has happened to them according to the true proverb: A dog returns to its own vomit, and, “a sow, after washing itself, wallows in the mud.””
2 Peter 2:20-22
Don’t Be Deceived
I pray this time I can abstain but if not, I feel that I am doomed. I chose to write this as an effort to hopefully open the eyes of those who have stumbled upon this confession. Pornography and masturbation are evil in the sight of the Lord (Genesis 38: 1-10). Do not think for a second – as so many men do, that this type of sexuality is normal because it, most definitely, shouldn’t be. Matthew 5:30 “If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of the parts of your body than for your whole body to go into hell!”
The only advice I can, dare, to give is to understand how serious this is, as I have, and to give it your all. Because don’t be fooled, pornography will send you to hell.
“Don’t you know that the unrighteous will not inherit God’s kingdom? Do not be deceived: No sexually immoral people, idolaters, adulterers, or anyone practicing homosexuality, 10 no thieves, greedy people, drunkards, verbally abusive people, or swindlers will inherit God’s kingdom. 11 And some of you used to be like this. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”
1 Corinthians 6:9-11
Although the gift of salvation is free, today I have chosen not to give any thought as to whether I’m “once saved, always saved”. Instead, I am going to live like a soldier behind enemy lines, doing my best to keep my wits about me and not grow complacent. Listen to what Paul wrote to Timothy,
“Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets entangled in the concerns of civilian life; he seeks to please the recruiter. Also, if anyone competes as an athlete, he is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules. The hardworking farmer ought to be the first to get a share of the crops. Consider what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in everything.”
2 Timothy 2:3-7
We’re in this together
“Resist him and be firm in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are being experienced by your fellow believers throughout the world.”
1 Peter 5:9
What I thought was great about so many of these verses being written by Peter was the fact that Peter is probably the best disciple to learn from in regard to maintaining a right relationship with Jesus. He tried walking on water but got scared and started to sink (Matthew 14:29-31). He was used by satan to try an convince Jesus not to go through with the crucifixion (Matthew 16:23), He denied knowing Jesus three times (Matthew 26:34) and in spite of all that he was proclaimed, by Jesus, to be the foundation of the church (Matthew 16:18).
We are all the same – regardless of whether you are Asian, Mexican, Black or White… We are all the same – regardless of whether you have stolen, killed, raped or cheated…
“For whoever keeps the entire law, yet fails in one point, is guilty of breaking it all. For He who said, do not commit adultery, also said, do not murder. So, if you do not commit adultery, but you do murder, you are a lawbreaker.”
James 2:10-11
The time to repent and to stop living in sin is today. I won’t claim that the end of the world is around the corner, but what I am confident of is that the Bible shows a pattern – In that, every time a civilization becomes corrupt and starts allowing homosexual orgies (and the like), it is destroyed. Yahweh enacts His just judgment and wipes the place out clean.
Humble thy self
Ahab was able to forego God’s judgement (for a time) because he humbled himself (1 Kings 21:27-29). The city of Nineveh escaped judgment because they united together and repented (Jonah 3). It is true that, “If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved (Roman 10:9)” but what is often missed is that a true belief in Christ as the living, fully man, and fully God, comes from true repentance and humbling oneself.
Listen to this quote from thegospelcoalition.org as I conclude,
“A truly repentant person will realize they need God to sanctify their heart. They’ll proactively work to change their behavior and take steps to avoid sin and temptation.”
“The night is nearly over, and the daylight is near, so let us discard the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us walk with decency, as in the daylight: not in carousing and drunkenness; not in sexual impurity and promiscuity; not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no plans to satisfy the fleshly desires.“
Romans 13:12-14
Self Examination
We must make it a practice to examine ourselves, daily, and give it our all to resist temptation. The devil will flee from you after a time (James 4:7), you just have to make it through that initial test. Don’t be fooled though, that first test will be like giving up sugar; your body will have physical withdrawals. But remember Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.” And with that in mind, here are the five steps that I am going to follow in order to fight off this evil.
Step 1: Beg Jesus Christ for forgiveness of every sin that you are aware you have committed. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say, “We don’t have any sin,” we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.” 1 John 1:9-10
Step 2: Make up your mind that you refuse to continue looking at pornography and or living in sin. “Be serious! Be alert! Your adversary the Devil is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour. Resist him and be firm in the faith…” 1 Peter 5:8
Step 3: Guard your eyes! If you see something that can trigger your lust, look away, immediately! “Flee from youthful passions, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” 2 Timothy 2:22
Step 4: Memorize scripture to help in your fight. I chose Psalms 23, Philippians 4:13, and Isaiah 54:17, “No weapons formed against me shall prosper.”
Step 5: Lastly, find someone who you trust to help you, I am blessed to have my supportive wife, Lizeth!
Jesus Christ is with us!
I love you all and I hope this gets through to you. I am so glad that Jesus smacked me in the face with this realization because I would, honestly, do everything in my power to stop from going to a place were I’ll be torment forever. Whatever suffering I will experience in this life pales in comparison to an eternity. Nothing is worth hell… May Yahweh bless and protect you all from the evil spirits in heaven places, in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, Yeshua Messiah. Amen.
