What are we doing? Is this something you’ve pondered recently? I often wonder whether others question their existence as much as I do. In my opinion, questioning why we’re here and what we’re suppose to be doing should be a daily practice. I can’t even image what it would be like to blindly walk through life without any concern for answers.
Even with life’s distractions, I am made aware of my mortality and the futility of the activities I choose to occupy my time doing. Throughout my day or week, I get a glimpse of the true reality. It surfaces from my subconsciousness and reminds me, momentarily, that I’m living in an illusion, and then fades off into the background, engulfed by the endless noise of my conscious mind.
Isn’t it baffling how easy it is to become lost and confused? The Holy Spirit could show you something so profound and you could be, absolutely, convinced of your faith. And then something could happen the very next second, causing you to question what you once were certain of. I am convinced we all do this, daily. Why though?
It’s one thing to have faith, and its an entirely different thing to live by faith. I get so enraged with the sinful nature of this world, along with the lies and deceit we get stuffed down our throats every waking second. It seems so impossible to live by faith at times. The word tells us not to worry and to fear not and yet the physical world before us tells us the opposite. We learn that we are to be selfless servants of all those before us and yet the world tells us to have ambitions and pursue happiness.
Reality VS. reality
I am grateful that The Lord has blessed me with the ability to experience what it is to live completely by faith, even if it was for a short while. Because now I am able to distinguish the difference between living for self and living according to our creators will and design. Allow me to explain what I have discovered and how although I know what I know, I find it difficult to live it out.
While I was at Crowley, which I have written about in detail (simply click the link to read more), I experienced a life guided by biblical principles. Although I know The Holy Spirit lives in us, always, at this time I felt closer to Yahweh, more so than ever before. I put on Christ like a garment, daily, I walked about with the Armor of God on. How was I able to do this you ask? And what exactly do I mean? I’ll explain the five things I did to achieve this.
- The first thing I sought to do when I awoke everyday was get closer to The Lord by reading His word.
- I prayed, frequently, in spirit and out loud (in my cell alone or with others).
- My feet were sandaled with readiness to proclaim the Gospel of peace to anyone Yahweh sent my way. I was eager to share what I learned with others who were willing to listen.
- I acted out what was revealed to me in the Scriptures. When I wanted to fight someone, I walked away and prayed and I forgave them in my heart and showed them respect even when it was not reciprocated.
- I let people in – I was an open book, I made a, genuine, effort to, actually, love those around me.
The funniest thing is the more I did each of these steps, the easier it became to do them. Which, let me tell you, in prison, is hard to do. In there I had no choice but to live with strangers, regardless of their disposition, I was forced to be around them. We’re talking gang members, drug dealers, homeless addicts and the like. Lately, however, I’m discovering that even so, it is actually harder to be a Christian out here.
In prison my conduct was under constant scrutiny, whereas, out here I can smile in someone’s face and go home and never see them again if I so choose. At first, I thought that made being in prison harder, but I was wrong. The fact that we have the option to conceal our motives and intentions or to be fake and act differently behind closed doors can be toxic. In prison, if you tired to be fake, you might get away with it for a day but eventually others would catch on to your true intentions.
Here lies the problem
We as people would rather choose the path of least resistance and stay comfortable. We’d rather mask our true emotions to save face and energy. We are all so guarded and afraid to let others in – too easily offended. I speak for myself when I say these things, however I have no doubt we all suffer the same. This is lukewarm behavior.
With all that being said… What are we doing? Is this something you’ve pondered recently? Do you ever question the idea that all you’re meant to do is achieve some level of success? I fight with this so much. My desire isn’t for money, it’s for the freedom to live how I want and do what I please. But I know without question that this isn’t biblical. Although, I hear a voice trying to convince me that I can help more people with more wealth (half truth lies from Satan).
We are called to be servants, to love everyone and live for the betterment of those around us, sacrificing our lives for our fellow mankind, joyously. However, lately, I find myself in autopilot, living for myself. The André in prison – on fire for Jesus, and the André today are two different people. Yeah, I’m sober now and I don’t smoke cigarettes or pick fights with people but where is my love?
I feel callused towards others. When I was released from prison, I was happy and I conducted myself differently than those around me. I went out of my way to be polite and make conversation with strangers. In the span of nine months, I have transformed into what I perceive to be the norm. I keep to myself in public, choosing not to make an effort to speak and I use the majority of my time for selfish reasons. I’m still polite and I give on occasion but what I see in the mirror is a landslide aways from who I was in prison.
My faith in Jesus Christ is unwavering but my walk is less than ideal. I believe I am adapting to my new life as a Christian and I believe that Yahweh will not allow myself or anyone of His chosen to remain like this. Yet apart of me is disgusted in the fact that we’re all like this, right now. Where are the elders of the faith to lead the young men? I have sought guidance yet all I have received is judgment and apathy.
Maybe it’s just me. But I hope I snap out of this complacency. I pray for a revival.
Lukewarm Origin
This reminds me of the story of Jonah which is where the term lukewarm derives from (being referenced about Jonah being spit out by the whale – In Revelations 3:15-18). If you haven’t read Jonah, I implore you to! It’s one of the shortest books of the Bible and it is such a fascinating read. Jonah is commissioned by Yahweh to complete a task, yet he refuses and attempts to ignore his duties and flees from the Almighty’s directives. Which being futile, he is brought to the place he fled, to do God’s will.
The ending is bizarre because although you have a man who, obviously, believes in The One True God, who has spoken with Him and has carried out His will, reluctantly – he does nothing but complain. He wasn’t destroyed for his impudence, he was just left in his whiney state, complaining against God. Is this the biblical depiction of being lukewarm? Not willingly carrying out the will of God, while complaining about your life?
Hopefully, this was insightful. For me, being honest with myself and others is the fastest path to recovery. I want to, once again, be overjoyed about being used by Yahweh, not viewing His will as a chore. I believe the quality of our lives, as well as the lives of others and our effectiveness at ministering depends on being in good standing with our Heavenly Fathers will. I don’t want to go out like Jonah. So, the question still remains… What are we doing? Is this something you’ve pondered recently?
May Yahweh bless all those who have read this with His Loving Favor!
